Frequently Asked Questions

 

Who invented assertiveness training?

The hypnotist and behaviour therapist, Andrew Salter (1914-1996) is usually considered to be the first person to develop a system of assertiveness training, published in his book Conditioned Reflex Therapy (1949).  However, the term "assertiveness" training was introduced by the behaviour therapist Joseph Wolpe (1915-1997) in the 1950s when he began to apply Salter's ideas to the treatment of inter-personal ("social") anxiety.

What is "assertiveness"?

 “Assertive behaviour is the socially appropriate verbal and motor expression of any emotion other than anxiety.” (Wolpe, The Practice of Behaviour Therapy, 1990: 134-135). 

“Assertive behaviour promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves, without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.” (Alberti & Emmon, Your Perfect Right, 2001: 6).

“Acting assertively means standing up for your assertive rights and expressing what you believe, feel, and want in direct, honest, appropriate ways that respect the rights of the other person.” (Jakubowski & Lange, The Assertive Option, 1978: 2).

Modern assertiveness training works on three levels: thought, feeling and action. 

• Assertive thoughts replace unfounded fears and unrealistic demands with a strong sense of your individual rights.
• Assertive feelings are rational and appropriate emotions, i.e., healthy anger and concern as opposed to unhealthy aggression and anxiety.
• Assertive actions require the knowledge and skill to say and do appropriate things in the presence of others.

Could it be dangerous to become too assertive?

Not really.  By definition, assertiveness training aims to improve healthy assertiveness and remove unhealthy habits.  There's no such thing as behaviour being "too healthy."  When people talk about someone being "too assertive" they're usually mixing up assertiveness with aggression.

In fact, the distinction between "assertive" and "aggressive" behaviour is absolutely fundamental to assertive training.  Assertiveness can be seen as the healthy alternative to two extreme forms of unhealthy behaviour: over-submissiveness and over-aggressiveness.  By assertiveness we mean neither of these two unhealthy extremes, but rather effective and appropriate communication with the right balance of sensitivity and confidence.

Who needs assertiveness training?

Frankly, more or less everyone.  We can all benefit from learning how to communicate more effectively with others.  However, the people who benefit most from assertiveness traditionally fall into two categories,

1. People who feel very anxious, inhibited, or angry and find these emotions get in the way of communicating satisfactorily with others.
2. People who feel okay but lack the experience or skill to put their point across effectively without upsetting other people. 

Assertiveness training is designed to help you think more positively, feel more comfortable, and speak more confidently and effectively when dealing with others.

Related resources

• Research and books on assertiveness training.
• About us.